Wednesday 24 July 2013

'They will make such good parents'

As the dust settles on the Royal pregnancy and birth - some of us are more grateful than others for the fuss to die down. One comment which seems to be constantly said in the past 24 to 48 hours is 'They will make such good parents' - What does this mean? Kate and William will make good parents because they are Royal - they are young - they will have access to all sorts of help? 
Everyone’s  perception of a good parents is very different, the amount of books on parenting and the various ideologies will back this up. We have:-

Attachment parenting  - the goal is for parent and child to form a strong emotional bond. The people who adopt this parenting style strive to promptly respond to their child's needs and be sensitive and emotionally available for their child at all times. The belief is that strong attachment to the parent helps the child become a more secure, empathic, peaceful human being. 


Instinctive Parenting - This might be called the "old school" method of parenting, "intuition" or simply a feeling of "go with your gut."  Instinctive parenting is "very much your own personal style of parenting, usually influenced by your own upbringing." In other words, as an instinctive parent you're more likely to teach what you know and parent the way you were parented, whether you were brought up by your mother and father, siblings or another caregiver.

Helicopter Parenting - "Helicopter parents constantly interact with and often interfere with their children's lives. They hover like a helicopter - While helicopter parenting is fairly normal to ensure the safety and security of babies and very young children, be forewarned -- smothering your child in every aspect of their life can ultimately backfire. "Too much of this style of parenting and children can become dependent on their parents' money, time and advice past their college years and into their professional careers,

Authoritative Parenting - "You live under my roof, you follow my rules!" It's a cliche, but one that parents may often find themselves speaking -- and it probably most closely mimics the authoritative parenting style. The parents who fit into this category typically establish rules and guidelines and expect their children to follow them, but the methodology is a bit more democratic than "what I say goes." For children who fail to meet the authoritative parent's expectations, the parent is more nurturing, forgiving and responsive. Their idea of discipline is to be assertive but not restrictive, to support rather than punish.

Permissive Parenting - It's a child's world for permissive parents, sometimes referred to as non-traditional, indulgent parents. "They have very few demands to make of their children and rarely discipline them because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control," 
If at any point the word "lenient" comes back into play, it's for this type of parent. The permissive parenting style is often evidenced by individuals who try to be more friend than parent, avoid confrontation and are generally nurturing and communicative.

I am sure as you read through the different styles you could see yourself doing all of the above at varying times, so to say that particular people will make good parents is patronising and condescending to all parents, from experience all parents dip in and out a various different parenting styles dependant on the situation and how they are feeling at the time. 

The guilt we feel as mums and dads to be a 'good' parent is immense and to hear comments such as 'they will make good parents' make life a little more difficult for the rest of us who are struggling to do the very best for our children at whatever stage they are in life

Kate and William will go through the trials and tribulations that every parent goes through unfortunately will be scrutinised - so let’s not make life difficult for them and other parents by making comments that can increase the level of insecurity on whether you are doing a good job or not